Hi friends, it's gay chat time!
I came out at the age of fourteen, which - in hindsight - is actually quite young. I was so completely sure of myself and breezily just telling everyone 'I have a girlfriend.' I just said what I felt, and most of the time it was fine. I remember high school not actually being that bad! I was expecting homophobia from my peers, but most comments I experienced were laughable, and it was mostly people asking silly questions instead of actual hate. Some teachers were actually worse than pupils, and of course I can't mention names (damn) but there was one in particular that said something I still tell people about today. After I left school, I actually ended up in a relationship with a boy (shock horror, I know). For some reason, my friends were absolutely raging about me being seemingly 'straight' again. It lasted 9ish months and then I realised I was definitely 100% gay (I think I did know this all along). With me deciding and telling everyone I was definitely a lesbian this time, the next wave of weird comments started when we reached the age of going out clubbing. People are drunk and stupid and say the weirdest things that they (maybe?) wouldn't say when sober. Although most comments came from the males, I will say, some girls said some weird things too! So let's talk about some classic things that lesbians hear a lot! 1: "No offence, but I just feel weird about you getting changed for PE with us" A classic high school comment. For some reason, a lot of teenage girls believe that gay means pervert, and that now you've come out, you're going to blatantly stare at them in their sports bras. Obviously ridiculous, and proves that a lot of girls are very self-centred. Which leads me on to number 2... 2. "Does that mean you fancy me then?" Similarly, some girls believe that once you come out, you are then attracted to every single girl in your class, their mums, and your teacher. (Okay I fancied a fair few of my teachers, but not the point.) No I don't fancy you. 3. "Aw no way, I wouldn't have guessed that!" or "You don't look like a lesbian" People throw this one out there as a compliment, as if you should thank them and be grateful you look 'straight' (???) Honestly what does look like a lesbian even MEAN?! 4. "I can change you" or "I like a challenge" When men say this, I honestly just can't believe they don't realise they are behaving like T-Rex level predators. IMAGINE saying something like this to someone!! 5. "You're too pretty to be a lesbian" Again, this statement makes no sense, there is no correlation between beauty and sexuality. Usually people are trying to pass this off as a compliment, but it just ends up uncomfortable and embarrassing when they can't explain what they mean. 6. "Threesome?" No. 7. "That is such a waste" In my opinion, this is one of the worst. So many men have said this to me, and it basically translates as 'Well this has annoyed me because now I know you won't have sex with me.' It comes across as stroppy and rude, never mind entitled and predatory. 8."Are you both going to wear dresses at the wedding? Something about that doesn't sit right with me." Guess what? You weren't invited anyway! It is no one else right to tell people what they should wear at their own wedding. Also we live in Scotland and men wear kilts to their weddings... So, hate to break it to you but heterosexual weddings have lots of dresses involved too x 9. "How are you going to have a baby?" or "But it won't be YOUR baby together though will it?" This one also riles me up big time. Can you imagine if you asked a straight couple how they were going to conceive their baby? What a weird question to ask. Also, would you ever tell adoptive parents that its not 'actually their baby'? No you wouldn't homophobes!! Check yourself. Of course we can't forget the classic. I can't tell you how many times I have had this conversation with people... 10. "How do lesbians have sex?" or "But it's not really sex is it?" Similar to my previous point, you would never ask a straight couple how they have sex. That is a ridiculously personal and rude thing to ask. Not only have I been asked this question by friends, I have been asked it by boys I have just met on nights out, or friends of friends I have met that day. My response has now become "Well, how do you have sex?" Because it usually shocks them into shutting up. You cannot tell someone what sex is. Each person has their own defined ideas and boundaries around sexual contact, and you cannot take those away from someone. To people reading this who have said these things or similar things to anyone in the LGBT community, please, just use google. We are not here to educate you on our sex lives, or respond to your strange backhanded compliments. You also cannot change us, and we definitely don't want to have sex with you. LGBT friends - please get in touch if you've had any weird questions or comments like these, I would love to hear other peoples' experiences. There will definitely be a part 2 coming soon, more things have already popped into my head since I wrote this. The list is never-ending! Kind words only please, Love Sophy x
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February 2021
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